Employee Assistance Program
Wellness Tips » An Assertive Person
- Uses "Feeling-Talk" - You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously rather than stating things in neutral terms. (i.e., "I like this soup" vs. This soup is good".)
- Talks about self - If you do something worth while and interesting, you can let your friends know about it. You don't want to monopolize the conversation, but you can mention your accomplishments when it is appropriate.
- Makes "Greeting Talk" - You are outgoing and friendly with people you want to know better. You smile brightly and sound pleased to see them. You say, "Well Hello! How good to see you again" vs. mumbling softly "Hello" or nodding silently or looking embarrassed.
- Accepts Compliments - You can accept compliments graciously ("Yes, I like this shirt too") rather than disagreeing with them ("Oh, this old thing?"). You reward rather than discount the person who compliments you.
- Uses Appropriate Facial Talk - Your facial expressions and voice inflections convey the same feelings your words are conveying. You can look people directly in the eye when conversing with them.
- Disagrees Mildly - When you disagree with someone, you do not pretend to agree for the sake of keeping peace. You can convey your disagreement mildly by looking away or grimacing, or raising eyebrows, or shaking your head or changing the topic of conversations.
- Asks for Clarification - If someone gives you confusing directions, instructions or explanations, you can ask that person to restate them more clearly. Rather than going away confused and feeling dumb, you can say, "Your directions were not clear to me. Would you please go over them again?"
- Asks Why - When you are asked to do something that does not seem reasonable or enjoyable, you can ask, "Why do you want me to do that?" or "Help me understand the reasoning behind the task."
- Expresses Active Disagreement - When you disagree with someone and feel sure of your ground, you can express your disagreement by saying things like "I have a different view of that matter. My opinion is..." Or "I think your opinion leaves out of consideration the following factors..."
- Speaks Up For Their Rights - You do not let others take advantage of you when you feel put upon; you can say no persistently without feeling guilty. You can demand your rights and ask to be treated with fairness and justice. You can say, "I was next in line." You can register your complaints firmly without blowing up.
- Is Able to Be Persistent - If you have a legitimate complaint; you can restate it despite resistance from the other party until you get satisfaction. You do not allow one or two no's to cause you to give up.
- Avoid Justifying Every Opinion - In discussion, if someone continually argues and asks you why, why, why you can stop the questioning by refusing to go along, or by reflecting it back to the other person. You can state simply, "That's just the way I feel. Those are my values."